Archive for BMW 5-series GT

BMW GT5 – absolutely crap or just relatively crap?

Posted in Crap cars with tags , on 24/05/2011 by Alexander

Autoblog reports that sales of BMW’s unclassifiable 5-series-based aesthetic horror are lacklustre on the State-side of the Atlantic. Which is odd considering it’s very American in its concept: big, ugly and thirsty. However, it would seem that some 5-series Gran Turismo sales stem from customers choosing this monstrosity over the 7-series, while other potential buyers took a look at this disgusting “crossover” and went and bought an Audi or Mercedes. This hasn’t stopped BMW from dreaming up a future 3-series GT (or 4-series as it may be called), which follows along the same lines of hideousness.

BMW have a solid reputation, though it owes just as much of it (by their own admission) to badge snobbery as it does to quality. As such, their one of those car manufacturers who can get away with introducing a heap of absolute horrifyingly ugly horse manure with four wheels on the market and have it sell in quantity, such as the X6, the X1, the 1-series, the previous 5-series, the Bangle-bum 7-series and so on. But because, as the saying goes, you can only fool all the people some of the time, etc., even die-hard BMW fanboys have to recognise that the brand’s aesthetic line-up has been… unfortunate over the last couple of decades. The proof is how the new styling cues are shifting away from Chris Bangle’s forms. Steadily of course, since the Bavarian motor company is very conservative, but the lines on the latest 5-series are far, far more pleasing to the eye than any car BMW has put out since 1988.

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Audi A7 – Why?

Posted in Crap cars, Upcoming cars with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 27/07/2010 by Alexander


I’m not a fan of Audi. As I’ve said before, they’re no more than VW’s with four rings nailed onto the front. That said, however, I quite like the Audi A5 coupé, because it has a nice shape and doesn’t have a corresponding VW version. The same can be said, though it’s debatable, of the A6 and the A8, though I don’t like either of them.

So now Audi announces the A7 Sportback, and I just don’t understand what the hell it’s for. Audi say it’s a competitor for the Merc CLS, which makes sense only up to a certain point. For saloon cars, Audi has the A4, the A5 Sportback, the A6, the new A7 Sportback and the A8. That’s five fricking cars that cover everything from family saloon to four-door ostentatious fascist-mobile. Merc have the C-Class, E-Class, CLS and S-Class. That’s only four. BMW have the 3-series, 5-series, the pathetic 5GT and and the 7-series, that’s four too (though they’re coming up with the new 6-series Gran Coupé, which will probably be the first good-looking BMW since 1988).

The problem with Audi, apart from being driven solely by absolute bastards, is that from the front, they all look exactly the same. Yes, perhaps Audi fanboys can tell the difference, but the designers took the “same design-language coherence across the range” thing far too literally. This makes Audis far too bland and boring, with no singular, fantastic-looking model. Mercedes have the CLS for this, and it also justifies the existence of the model, even though it’s really only an E-Class in a frock.

So why would I buy an A7 Sportback? Want a four-door coupé? There’s the A5 Sportback.”Ah, but I want it to be luxuriuos”. Get an A8. I don’t get it.

I wish it would flop like the absolutely stupid 5-series GT seems to be doing, but alas, car-buyers are far too thick not to be fooled by the overpriced crap the Big German Three flog on the market.

CC: doesn’t mean just “cubic centimetre”

Posted in Desirable machines, Upcoming cars with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 11/10/2009 by Alexander

The 4-door coupé isn’t a recent fad that the Mercedes CLS and its fans and ignorant motor journalists would have us believe. Sweeping coupé designs for saloons have been around for longer (take Robert Opron’s fastback saloons of the 70’s, or the Volvo S60), though the CLS somewhat popularised it. The band wagon is roomy, as many cars since have jumped on. The Citroen C6, the VW Passat CC, the Opel Insignia, the hardly-convincing Audi A5 Sportback (after all, it did start life out as a coupé to begin with) and the hideous and stupid BMW 5 series GT.

I’d say from this it’s a clearly a predominantly German fashion, with the funky little VW Passat by far the most attractive of the Kraut-auto flock (The Citroen C6 is by far the most attractive in the Global Auto range, but I digress). The BMW 5-series GT looks like a dwarfish, handicapped, stunted SUV, and the A5 Sportback comes across as a coupé with those extra doors jammed in to meet a marketing niche for stupid people. The VW looks balanced and smooth, with nice lines and a striking presence, which the Opel has, but in less measure. If I were ever to buy German (and I hope one day I’ll have the money to even consider these things), the Passat CC would be a probable choice.

However, VW has been like my old Citroën BX’s hydropneumatic system and has been leaking, though in this case, interesting information.

First, was a glimpse of the future Golf VII, which I found rather strange since the Golf VI was released this year. It’s like VW are saying “Yes, we know this current Golf is disappointing, so we’re making another one.” The Golf IV was so brilliant both the V and VI are but pale images that simply don’t have the same appeal (though the rise in quality from competitors also helps this notion). The Golf VII is trying to get VW’s family hatchback into the arena of ball-bashing success.

Second, was none other than a Golf CC (original link). Which on the surface seems a good idea, building on the Passat CC’s appeal and widening the choice amidst the Golf range. But then I think: this will kill the Jetta (unless it’s the next-gen Jetta) and probably overlap the Passat range. Doesn’t sound so smart any more, though I must admit I personally find the idea of a Golf CC very clever and appealing, especially if it has a panoramic roof like the Passat version.