The perfect car

Most drivers will say that their perfect car would have things like rear-wheel drive, 500bhp and push-rod suspension, or some load of bollocks like that (just look at this article and its comments). I beg to differ, since my main points of focus when driving are good looks, economy and comfort. Handling can go f**k itself, though I have to admit that I’ve found that having good performance on tap is quite useful, though I begin to digress.

What would be your perfect car? No budget restrictions, no design barriers, nothing but fertile imagination. I would however put a limit on feasibility (such as it having a warp drive or a porn star-cloning mechanism), though I’d personally include some upcoming technology I’ve seen on telly that may or may not make it into mainstream production. So here goes:

– A hybrid propulsion system, with electric motors providing drive, fed by ultra-small, light and efficient batteries, with a gas-turbine range-extender that could burn anything combustible. It’s main fuel would be a mixture of bio-fuel diesel and LPG, resulting in a huge range and a fuel consumption of something like 1.5 l/100km (188mpg). Or better.

– It would be a three-seater. Two main seats in the front with a third seat in the middle just behind with a built-in booster seat for my daughter to ride in and have a good view out the front.

– The driver (in this case, me) would sit in a cockpit-like setting, with a nice sloping centre console. The materials used would be non-standard, with hard, durable dent-resistant plastics, vinyl (soft-touch materials are easily scratched), and cloth trim and seats in dark colours (brighter colours get dirty very, very quickly).

– Weird interior and control design, like buttons instead of stalks, or levers instead of buttons. The steering wheel would still be circular and the pedals in the same conventional place and order, though.

– Super-comfortable seats, with suspension filled with non-newtonian fluids. Or Citroen’s Hydractive suspension, that’d do.

– A super-aerodynamic beautiful sports-car look, in a gorgeous berlinetta or coupé shape, with a full-length opening sunroof (a bit of a redundant phrase, since if it didn’t open it would be a moonroof), a glass tailgate with a generous boot.

Regenerative paint and bodywork. No more constant headaches every time some ignorant prick moron scratches my car when parking.

– Classic (or absence of) features that people today, used to luxury and labour-saving devices, would equate to Spartan, backward and primitive systems that belong in the 1950’s. Wind-up windows, non-electric seats, no automatic windscreen wipers, or superfluous stuff like that. I like a bit of rough un-sophistication every now and then.

– Though not all technology would be gone. No. Instead of a radio or sat-nav, my smartphone would fit perfectly into a dock. Then I could charge the phone if necessary, or use the phone’s Google Navigation. The car’s music would play from the phone, but with car would have its own physical buttons, because I f**king hate touchscreens in a car.

Phwoar, what a car that would be.

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