A blight on God’s clean Earth #7 – Rolls Royce

The epitome of the inversely proportionate relation some people have between money and sense. It’s also proof that today’s society is all about labels and brands and what other people think, not what’s actually good.

Rolls Royces are no better than a host of other high-end cars available for the rich and corrupt. The difference is that Rollers have catered to upper-class parasite’s needs for more than a century, thus making them a well-established cog in the super-rich machine. Because of this, they think they can ask how much they sodding well please for their latest aesthetic nightmare on wheels. And what’s worse, their customers deem it a fine practice. What better way to distinguish yourself from the riff-raff, than to ride around in a car with an unmistakably high price tag? It can very well be argued that a RR customer’s only requirement is that it costs a tad more than the amount a moderately successful member of the nouveau-riche caste can realistically afford, even if it’s made of manure and sellotape.

And though you may deem these to be just the rantings of someone you perceive to be some sort of commie bastard, I have nothing against expensive cars per se (as can be told by choices for my dream garage), but the car lover in me hates other things beside simply the irrational cost. The conservatism of Rolls’ design is astonishing, as each new version is just a slight modernisation of the previous one. Very slight. The latest Rollers are simply an updated version of a stuffy 50’s design, and a bad one. The fact that current RRs look like fricking bricks with wheels doesn’t seem to register on anyone’s radar.

And then there’s the grill. That stupid, s**tty, pathetic grill. Personally I’d find it hard to swallow if a car maker decided to make one of its products resemble a well-known piece of architecture, and I think most people would too. Imagine the next Ford Mondeo with Frank Gehry’s Bilbao Guggenheim giving shape to the car’s face. Stupid? Well Rollers have a metallic rendering of the Parthenon’s façade on its ugly mug, and has always done so, and no-one finds it odd, to say the very understated least.

All of the above goes for Bentley too.

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